5 parenting habits to be avoided
For parents with two or more children in their family, it becomes important for them to pay attention to how they are bonding with each of their children. Some parenting habits may emotionally hurt one of your child or all of them, and may also result in the child being confused about himself / herself, or having low self-esteem, or may also affect parent-child bonding and sibling bonding.
- Comparison: When a child is compared with a sibling or anyone else for being better or worse, there is a good chance that s/he would develop a habit of feeling superior or inferior to others. Those who are compared quite often can have difficulty in making strong healthy and lasting relationships as comparison disturbs development of a balanced self-esteem. Every person is unique with his/her own set of good or bad qualities, and should be accepted with love for who s/he is.
- Unequal treatment: All children in a family expect to be treated equally in all aspects. Kids do get hurt when they get used items from their older siblings, or when they observe a parent’s preference and better treatment of his / her siblings.
- Favoritism: Often the oldest or the youngest child becomes the most loved child at home or with uncles and aunts and grandparents. This can definitely hurt other siblings emotionally.
- Unequal Attention: All kids require and expect equal attention. It is not possible to give equal attention to all kids every day, but this can be fairly balanced so that each sibling feels equally loved and important.
- Unequal / Unreasonable Expectations: The oldest child is often expected to be most responsible and mature, and therefore parents tend to be most strict with him/her and are comparatively lenient with the younger ones. This may get stressful for the oldest child. It is not fair to expect something from a child which goes beyond his/her age or personal ability. Being responsible and caring is definitely a positive personality trait, but the expectations should be kept only as much as the child can comfortably handle.
The Big Book of Parenting Solutions by Michele Borba, Ed.D.
My girls are 6 years & one week apart (both January babies). I didn't really plan on them being that far apart, but it actually made it easier. There has been no competition, etc. But I have seen the above habits in my 3 nephews, especially the favoritism part & the other 2 notice it. Parents really need to be careful. I think a lot of times, the parents don't even realize that is what they are doing.